And he comes back.

Why are you back ?

And why can't I resist you  even now?

Thinking about you derails me.

Its like a opening up a Pandora box.

It hits so badly , it hurts.

Like rubbing salt on wounds.

Like choking.

While there was a time when  I used to spend hours just revisitng those conversations and moments..I've reached a point now where I absolutely DREAD to think about you.

Because I know its like a never ending loop and I'll only be trapped in a maze of confusion pain and ridicule.

I dread you.

My first reaction was of utter disbelief quickly replaced by 'ofcourse , its believable'.
Wasn't expecting a rapid change.
For a long time after that...I didn't know how to feel.
I was numb.

Embracing myself with a smile...and letting it go.

:)

I ditched my morals ethics and values in the face of temptation.
I do not regret.
But yes , it kind of hits somewhere.

And finally its all over. I dont know if I'm supposed to congratulate.

You know what





Nothing.

So well even when I pledge to write you off...I still meet you. And kiss you. AND love you.

It really breaks my heart. It totally breaks me when I know I'm just another thing for you and I still come back to you..in some hope that you will love me back..just once maybe ??

It breaks me when I still smell of you.

How can you not respect my feelings AT ALL ??

time to leave things behind.

forever.

Do you know how I feel about this ? Well you don't.

Its been an annoyingly 6 months HALF A YEAR time and I still haven't moved on. Specially when you made no promises. Specially when all you said was...
I care for you.
I'm there for you.

It kept ringing in my head you know? It still does.

So in between I deleted your no. I blocked you.
Unblocked you. 
I dated someone else to distract myself from you.
I decided never to take your calls and I did and still met you.
I just can't avoid you!

But I TOTALLY KNOW that I mean NOTHING to you.

So maybe now..when I've crossed my limits...when you have hurt me beyond hurting...

I should write you off.

I really should.