Do you know how I feel about this ? Well you don't.

Its been an annoyingly 6 months HALF A YEAR time and I still haven't moved on. Specially when you made no promises. Specially when all you said was...
I care for you.
I'm there for you.

It kept ringing in my head you know? It still does.

So in between I deleted your no. I blocked you.
Unblocked you. 
I dated someone else to distract myself from you.
I decided never to take your calls and I did and still met you.
I just can't avoid you!

But I TOTALLY KNOW that I mean NOTHING to you.

So maybe now..when I've crossed my limits...when you have hurt me beyond hurting...

I should write you off.

I really should.

heartbreak.

I don't know if am being any good help to you. But I can only suggest you to FORGET. I know its difficult..and you are hurting but thats the only option.
Human behavior is something you can do nothing about.
Someday you'll get your answers..or maybe not.
But it'll be allright.
Because Until then all of this would stop mattering.

today was probably the last k
Why just probably. It certainly was.

Deleted all the chats. trash emptied too.

No hard feelings. That's important.

cannot force people to love you back . Let it be that way.

no kids

We have a pact.
My sister and me.
We have decided to never have kids after getting married.
Like atleast not untill we are 30-35.

You don't get to choose. You just fall.

When I fell for you ...having known the infeasibility of our togetherness..I wondered if I'l ever be able to have such strong feelings for someone again. I doubted it.
I was not scared to like someone again. I just doubted feeling so passionately for someone.

Then , I met you. And I liked you instantly. And long before I knew it , I did fell for you. There was a connection..an attachment I couldn't resist or ignore.
And it was so strong that the only way I could get over you was to avoid you. To scrap you from my world.
because I knew we wouldn't ever be together.

in both the cases...I had my feelings last not for days weeks or months...but years.
And it only grew with time.

Now when I have finally decided to move on because I have no choice...I again wonder if I'll feel for someone with such intensity ever again.
just because I did find someone after the first heartbreak to give my heart out to ..doesn't mean I'll be able to repeat the same.

I just hope I do fall crazily and madly. More than there was for you.

but even before that...I do not want absence to make the heart grow fonder.

I just don't want you in my life.

So please...just go away....

come on..this time.....made a choice..

Now


Stick

to it!!

I'm a fool.

I've been fooled.

Its time.

 I sit back , rewind and go through a whirlwind speeding flash of all the times , of all the moments.

When all of it..slows down itself to reflect the good part.

And then I ask myself - Why do I  feel bitter ?

When it actually makes me smile.

Fuck the fact that it hurts. Fuck that maybe I regret. Fuck that I deserve better.

But fuck , its been 'good'.
Its been great.


Mea culpa. I shouldn't have expected too much.

Bittersweet

There is this sinking feeling inside today and strangely it is bittersweet.
I want to cry out. Only that I'm not sure what I'll be crying for ?!

Magnet

There is a mysterious force that keeps me glued to you.
That makes you my magnet.
That doesn't let me let go.
No matter how hard I try.
Maybe ..
I only pretend to try.
Because deep down..
I don't wanna let go.

I'm selfish. I don't give two hoots about the hurt & pain you caused me.
I still want to be with you.

No I'm not strong. Specially if I'm back to square one.

And I begged you not to be indifferent. Just that much. Not asking for more.


You care for me is not enough for me. You've gotta be there too.

Don't fuck my feelings.

I can't live on my dad's expenses.
I feel so suffocated ....

I'm not feeling good.
despite the trip planned.

something pinches.

Its happening again. Everytime I think I'm over him...the bloody hell I like him even more than before.

Its uncalled for.