Burn with me

Feel my pain.

Let the flames engulf you.

Let the fire pierce through your deepest wounds.

Scream aloud.

 

Burn.Fire.Kill.You.

How much can you empty yourself out.

On Hold.

Its is  wicked how I think of you at weird moments.
While tying the shoe laces.
While filling the water cooler.
While flipping channels.

No matter how much I deny myself a right to relive the memories..I still find myself thinking about you - almost like a lightening bolt - all of a sudden , fierce and scary - a pang so powerful it drains me out.

You take away the smile from me.

It is raining. I hate to think of you when I watch the sky drizzling.

It reminds me of a time dimension when nothing had happened.

When I would crave for you just as much as I did yesterday or maybe even today.

You fill me up with a heavy heart.

A burden so strong...the rain from my eyes begin to pour down.

Tell me why you're gone.

Tell me why haven't you withdrawn.

Uncanny silence.

My heart is thumping loudly.

Is it grieving ?

Perhaps , bleeding.

I was always intrigued by unhappy endings in love stories.

It captivated me.Tantalized.


I didn't want it for myself though.

I HATE YOU!

I hate you for everything you did to me.

I hate you for being so shameless.

I fucking hate you.

I'm erasing you. Slowly and gradually I'm sure I will completely write you off.
I get stuck on whether I should forgive you or not.
If I don't..a part of you will always remain with me. If I do , it would mean letting you and all the baggage along with it  - go. Just let go ..fade away with layers of dust.So that I would never be able to withdraw the envelopes.
 That would be a good thing to do..but then I wonder why is it not coming easy to forgive you ?

I've reached a point where I don't demand answers. I guess there is nothing to answer.
And that is changing things.. that is to say even when I am hurting every time I think of all this..I hardly cry. I hardly yell inside.
Not wanting to know anything anymore has turned into a mechanism of its own kind - leaving me bittersweet , yet helping me pull along , pushing me to give up and move on.

It will always be a sad end for me. I took chances.So maybe there is nothing to regret. I didn't want to believe you were bad because that is the extent to which I liked you.
Just liked you , a lot lot , but only liked.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

Wish you'd known that and having known that , had some respect for our relation.

I could only wish. Its that sad.

letting you go off is getting difficult..am holding you back tight with all the memories wrapped around...why would you hurt me so much..why would you not care once....

You drilled a hole in my heart.

I'm not afraid that I won't fall in love.

I'm afraid that I won't be loved back.

Again.

And he comes back.

Why are you back ?

And why can't I resist you  even now?

Thinking about you derails me.

Its like a opening up a Pandora box.

It hits so badly , it hurts.

Like rubbing salt on wounds.

Like choking.

While there was a time when  I used to spend hours just revisitng those conversations and moments..I've reached a point now where I absolutely DREAD to think about you.

Because I know its like a never ending loop and I'll only be trapped in a maze of confusion pain and ridicule.

I dread you.

My first reaction was of utter disbelief quickly replaced by 'ofcourse , its believable'.
Wasn't expecting a rapid change.
For a long time after that...I didn't know how to feel.
I was numb.

Embracing myself with a smile...and letting it go.

:)

I ditched my morals ethics and values in the face of temptation.
I do not regret.
But yes , it kind of hits somewhere.

And finally its all over. I dont know if I'm supposed to congratulate.

You know what





Nothing.

So well even when I pledge to write you off...I still meet you. And kiss you. AND love you.

It really breaks my heart. It totally breaks me when I know I'm just another thing for you and I still come back to you..in some hope that you will love me back..just once maybe ??

It breaks me when I still smell of you.

How can you not respect my feelings AT ALL ??

time to leave things behind.

forever.